10 things to avoid when vetting a woman

It’s imperative to vet anybody that comes your way, including the women you will let into your life. 

Here are 10 red flags to look out for when determining if someone is a good fit for a friend in your life. 

1. She constantly wants to take selfies, and you become the photographer.

  Can’t we just enjoy the moment? POV: You go out with your close friend, let’s call her Laeh, and she wants you to meet her new friend, Alani, whom she met up in New York 6 months ago.  Before yall meet, she goes, “ So, don’t judge her off the bat; she means well, she’s actually a really cool person.’’ The fact that she has to forewarn you with an explanation and is coming to Alani’s defense is already making your spirit uneasy.

But, you give her the benefit of the doubt that she’s your friend and couldn’t possibly;y be friends with a narcissist. 

You both end up pulling up to Alani’s spot, and you are immediately introduced to Alani’s back story about how she was bullied in school growing up and how that’s made her insecure. 

You think: “That’s probably not the first thing I would start off with just meeting”, but you appreciate her opening up and feeling comfortable, but later you find out she’s a little too comfortable, and now her insecurity is going to make you her property. 

You, Leah, Alani, decide to go on a walk–a simple walk–around the neighborhood. Every other car, every other fence, street light, and fire hydrant is the perfect pose. “Can you take my pic? Thanks, boo”, Alani snaps. The thanks boo’s go away, she directing you, and next thing you know she’s just handing you the phone and taking her position. 

As she grabs the phone back out of your hands to ooh and aww at herself, you feel so nutty you are almost speechless.

Has this ever happened to you? If you understand the story, Alani is clearly an insecure, broken woman who needs to validate herself every few moments because she was constantly picked on in school. 

She needs the Lord. 

Of course, you can try to talk to her, comfort her, and maybe get through to her, but women like this are high risk for your mental health.

If you discover your energy is getting drained and it’s just not getting through, you can’t change a person; they have to want to change themselves. 

Imagine going on a vacation/ girls trip with Alani; you trying to see the sunset, and she wants you to take a picture of her in it. I’m not saying to not have a record of the experience, but living through the lens just for social media isn’t fulfilling. You’ll know if you ever run into an Alani. 

And eventually, she can end up resenting you are targeting you in some way, and that can destroy you, beware. 

The best thing you can do if that happens wash your hands of that person. Sometimes God wants to isolate people to get closer to them.

2. She has too much of an interest in your man.

This may seem obvious, but if you’re a people pleaser, you might overlook the signs.

• You aks, and God reveals it to you 
• Always wondering about what your man is doing or lights up when he’s around.
• You catch her staring a little too much.
• You get the “gut” feeling.

We are all human, and obviously, you probably are attracted to your man physically and emotionally; other women are too. But your “friend” shouldn’t be trying to cop a feel. 

I hope this is apparent, and I’ll keep this section short. 

2. You find yourself tolerating her unorthodox morals

This also ties in with insecurity. An insecure woman is dangerous to another woman. The enemy can use her insecurities to plant seeds with that insecure woman.

Let me explain. You and your friend Lexi have been friends since elementary. You tell each other your secrets and your fantasies. A couple of years go by, and she knows about your crush Kevin but decides since he’s not into you that, she can go ahead and play with his emotions, knowing she’s not even that into him. 

Women can be notorious for this, they can not show much interest in a guy, but if they see their fellow women interred, there’s something they can use to feed her ego. 

Now, through the years, quite a few of her crushes have shown interest in you, but you kept it to yourself as not to hurt her feelings. But, you are now being exposed to her words out of her mouth, “he never showed any interest in you anyway, so I can be with him if I want.”

This should be a red flag for you; she’s feeling herself and doesn’t respect your feelings. There’s a way to go about things, love can find its way in all types of ways, but clearly, in this example for Lexi it’s all just play play, and she wants to prove her authority over you because she just may very well be jealous of you.  And before you think ” Why would she be jealous of me”, people can be jealous of just about anything.

From

1. What you have
2. How you move
3. What relationship you in
4. Because of your age
5. How you look

and the list goes on…and they can be jealous of you even if they seem like they have more than you.

If she genially fell for Kevin, a nicer way would be to talk to her friend respectfully, and no harm, no foul. It’s the way it’s handled, and if you choose to stick around this woman into the adult years and she knows your husband, you could be at risk.

Remember, this society has put many women against each other, and women may be competing with you, and you don’t even know it. 

Know your worth. 

There are a number of reasons this can happen, but it usually brews from insecurity, a dangerous ingredient. Run for the hills. Choose peace. 

1. She’s always talking about herself and how people adore her. 

Me, me, me, and I love that for me. Humble isn’t her thing. You constantly find yourself listening to what she has to say, but as soon as you entrust her with little tasks; listening, she can’t do it or get it right. Red flag, run for the hills.

1. She’s always worried about what guy is looking her way.

You are at a cafe, you’re pouring your emotions all over the neatly designed patio furniture, and she’s busy staring down every guy that seems interested. What’s the point if you not going to get up and act?

Not to mention, she’s already in a “happy marriage”.  Sometimes women who are already in a committed relationship still need other males’ validation to continue feeling relevant. 

Let’s also mention, you came out to get the undivided attention of your

friend, and her attention has more division than a samurai sword. 

She has plenty of entertainment for herself, chooses peace and freedom. 

Your are better off being alone and talking to God about these issues, with or without good friends. 

1. She tries to turn the focus on herself when other people notice something good about you.

 If she feels like she has to put you down, downplay you, or not acknowledge the good in you, she’s probably going through something within herself. Pray for her. 

Protect your energy and move on. 

2. She acts like she is better than you or gives off an entitled demeanor.

If you feel like you gotta keep on your figurative boxing gloves to define yourself from her snark remarks and her acting like she’s better than you, your putting in too much effort already. 

A friendship is supposed to be just that, friendly. You should have fun. Be comfortable and be yourself. 

Of course you can’t trust anybody 100% except the Lord but it’s healthy to have like-minded individuals around you. 

We are in a time when you can’t afford to have regular

modern woman friends because standards and views are changing. 

Make sure you have a spiritually awake friend you can call so your bot is always on the defense. 

1. She takes advantage of your kindness.

This can apply to favors, money, and overall thinking you are sweet because you are God fearing. Remember, Proverbs 9:10 KJV The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. 

That may not be the friend for you. 

2. She doesn’t value your time

It’s one thing to be late every once in a while, but if y’all hardly link and she’s HOURS late and makes it seem like she coming in 20 when it’s actually 10 20-minute sessions, you may want to express your concern, and if she finds no fault you have to decide if you are ok dealing with the waste of your time for the next decade. Those hours add up. 

3. She thinks everyone who disagrees with her is jealous or wants her life. 

Classic entitlement. Attention can go to women’s heads, especially if they dress a certain way. If she hits you with this don’t entertain; choose peace. 

Not trying to scare you; trying to make you alert and aware. Friendship can be so lovely, so sweet, or it can be bittersweet. Avoid these traits in women to keep your peace. And as always, seek God. 

Because of the brainwashing and how this matrix is, what started as a sweet friendship can change into an energy-sucking monster that wants to distract you from God’s purpose for you. God forbid.

If you take these signs lightly, you will likely get the energy sucked out of you. Keep thinking it’s sweet. 

It’s essential, as society goes more towards the new age, to befriend a woman who fears the Lord and has a lot in common with you. 

This comes from a place of love. 

But remember, a true friendship can be a beautiful thing, and a good friend or friends are out there. Just be mindful of the signs and ask God to reveal things to you. 

Shalom.